Just go with It ( 2011 ) and The Dilemma ( 2011)

 I’m no longer constipated.

You know that feeling you get after a long day at work, or  after  smoking some really good weed? When your brain is numb, your body is soon to follow and all you can wish for in this world is to imprint your big fat ass in the couch cushion and stuff your face with Cheetos or some shit like that?

Well that’s exactly the way I was feeling when I said to myself ” Hmm ..I should watch a movie …something light, and easy and stupid, that will surely help me unwind”.

So I check around and apparently these two were the movies of the season on imdb filed under romantic comedy. Got both of them and started watching.

Stopped after 15 minutes, changed movie. Started watching. Stopped after another 15 minutes, went out , killed a kitty! Why? Cause fuck you that’s why.

Let me be as frank and direct as possible : these movies are SHIT! And no I’m not talking Jennifer Aniston shit. These are the movies that would put Renton’s bath stall to shame.

trainspotting-toilet

THE SHAME

They’re so bad ..wait not bad …bad has some inherent property by which if it’s too bad it actually becomes good. These things ..well they’re just so mindblowingly ( what? ) BORING! What I’m actually saying here is that watching rocks is the most exciting thing in the universe compared to this.

They’re boring I couldn’t even use them for falling asleep. I just became a vegetable and shat myself with boredom.

So do yourself a favor : don’t even look at the posters. You’ll thank me later .

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Sucker Punch (2011)

This movie has had mostly negative reviews. Overwhelmingly negative reviews, actually. But I loved it. I’m trying very hard not to judge people for mentioning the script. C’mon, who the hell would watch this movie for good writing or good acting? It would be like going to see The Fast and the Furious for the good acting. Have you seen Zack Snyder’s other movies? It’s clearly not about the writing. Period. It’s about girls in tight outfits wielding weapons.

And for an action movie (and I don’t like action movies) it’s good. No, no, it’s not good. It’s fucking brilliant! And here are my 10 reasons why.

1. The girls are pretty. Really pretty.And I appreciate the fact that they didn’t claim she was younger than she really is, you know. Like they cast 21-year olds as high-school kids. But  she’s 20. And the papers say she’s 20.

2. So are the outfits. And the make-up.

3. It’s visually stunning. Really, I don’t have anything bad to say about the visuals. The fighting scenes are flawless and there’s the whole fantasy-world excuse for making them completely unrealistic.

4. I loved the fantasy worlds and the villains and everything. Mostly because I’m a sucker for pastiche and movies that reference a million other movies, which Sucker Punch definitely does.

The second one has German zombie soldiers and seems to take place in WWI and I’m half-convinced that the third fight-fantasy thingie takes place in Mordor. The Mordor in the Lord of the Rings movies, obviously. And the orcs are the exact same orcs. I’m not gonna talk about the other ones because you have to see the movie, but they do reference things like Total Recall and, I suspect, I Robot.

People keep talking about Shutter Island and Inception references but it’s kinda about the story and those movies weren’t exactly original in terms of story. Sorry.

And I forgot to mention the most obvious reference that kinda goes throughout the movie: Alice in Wonderland. Her outfit and a drawing of a rabbit and playing cards and a bunch of other stuff.

5. The Soundtrack. It’s comprised of really good or at least decent covers of songs like “Sweet Dreams” and “White Rabbit” and “Where is my mind?”. Great songs that fit really well (in a very obvious kinda way but I don’t mind that). And the soundtrack plays a really important part in the movie, making it seem like a cross between a music video, a video game trailer and a Tarantino movie.

6. The Story. Yeah, the script isn’t brilliant. It’s a cliche at the very least. But what I liked about it is that it doesn’t claim to be more than it is. Maybe I’m being a little too subjective here. But this is because movies like Black Swan and Inception and even Antichrist and Babel get me really worked-up because they have no subtlety whatsoever and yet claim they’re art and that they have a message and whatever. This doesn’t hit me over and over again over the head with its message, even though people have judged it as being misogynistic (to be expected since, as I said before, it’s a movie about half-naked girls with weapons).

7. It managed to avoid a lot of unnecessary dialogue that would make it really dumb and the cliches weren’t bad. C’mon, “If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything” is a goooood saying.

8. It’s simple without underestimating its audience. It didn’t feel the need to explain all the jumps from real-world to fantasy-world back to real-world and stuff like that.

9. John Hamm. Tiny little role, but they guy’s yummy.

10. The Ending. But I’m not gonna go there, don’t wanna spoil it for you.

So those are my 10 reasons for loving Sucker Punch. And I stand by them.

Holly.

 

American Psycho (2000)

Something horrible is happening inside of me, and I don’t know why. My nightly blood-lust has over-flowed into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge or frenzy. I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

This is the movie that made me fall in love with Christian Bale. Granted, that makes me a little weird or twisted or deranged or disturbed or whatever you choose to call me. However, his portrayal of Patrick Bateman – the Valentino suit-wearing 80s yuppie who takes way too much care of his body, listens to Huey Lewis and The News when he’s not being pretentious with his annoying cokehead friends or killing more or less innocent women in his perfect New York apartment – makes me sigh and maybe even drool a little.

Although far less detailed and far less gruesome than the book it was based on (Bret Easton Ellis – American Psycho), it still describes the minutia of Bateman’s highly disciplined workout rutine, extensive grooming ritual and general persnickety persona. His taste in women is also quite obvious if you look at his secretary (played by over-rated indie actress Chloe Sevigny), his fiancee (over-rated mainstream actress Reese Witherspoon) and his mistress (Samantha Mathis).

If you look beyond all this more than ocd attention to minutia, what’s interesting about this movie is the fact that Patrick Bateman is aggressively conformist, is desperate to fit in. That’s all he wants and that’s what he’s trying to do with his ostensibly calculated replies, his incredibly boring job and relationships, his desperation to get reservations and so on. To fit in a world where people are so incredibly alike to begin with that mistaken identity is more than frequent (in the movie, Patrick himself is confused with two other people and placed at a dinner he never attended).

Oh and it’s also quite strongly suggested that he’s a closet homosexual: he has an obvious passion for Tymothy Bryce (the only person in his whole milieu that he finds remotely interesting), his reaction when his mistress’s fiancee hits on him, etc.

Overall, American Psycho is something like Cruel Intentions meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Just kinda more subtle. And Christian Bale is really hot. Watch this and you’ll know what I mean:

I recommend watching it. And I recommend reading the book too.

Love,

Holly

The X-Files (1993-2002)

The truth is out there.

Best. Tagline. Ever. You’ve probably heard of the X-Files. It’s a TV show that managed to have both huge commercial success (as far as I know) and a cult following. And I get why because I’m a fan, and I have been since I was a kid and it first came on.

If, for some reason, you have never seen the X-files, you will get a good idea of what it is about from this trailer:

Yeah, so it’s about two FBI agents, Fox Mulder and Dana Scully, who work on the X-files. You’ll hear the story about the X-Files if you watch the 1st episode, I don’t wanna spoil it for you. There are many things that I find great about this couple. First of all, the woman is the skeptic and the man is the idealist, the dreamer, the sentimental one. It’s usually the other way around. To quote Ann Cvetkovich: “The association of femininity with affect has led to the simultaneous devalorization of both.” This is one of the things I love. That she is the scientist and he’s sentimental.

Another thing I like is that you keep wanting them to get together but they keep leaving things unsaid and for a show that says aliens are among us, their relationship is beautifully constructed.

Anyway, leaving Mulder and Scully out of equation (oh, I love that they call each other by their last names throughout the show. I think that’s awesome!), there are a bunch of other things about the show that I love.

First – the secondary characters! A.D. Walter Skinner (played by Mitch Pileggi), Mulder’s informants, Mulder’s family, Scully’s family, and, of course, the villains. Cigarette-Smoking Man  (William B. Davis) and Alex Krycek (Nicholas Lea) are the most featured. Cigarette-Smoking Man actually appears in the first episode. And the last one. So he’s important.

Some very important characters that I haven’t mentioned are The Lone Gunmen.Richard “Ringo” Langly, Melvin Frohike and John Fitzgerald Byers are these geeks that run a paper where they publish all their conspiracy-theory-related news. They’re funny and awesome and apparently they had their own spin-off that I haven’t seen yet but I’m actually going to watch. Yes, that’s how much I love them.

Other small characters that add a whole of a lot of flavour are Morris Fletcher, the misogynistic asshole man in black, Gibson Praise, the mind-reading kid, Diana Fowley, Mulder’s old lover and a bit of a two-timing bitch, Jeffrey Spender, Cigarette-Smoking Man’s son, a guy without a spine, and so on.

Let’s talk a bit about what the show is actually about. Mulder and Scully investigate the paranormal. There are basically two kind of episodes: standalone ones and ones that follow the main story arc. The main story arc begins with the disappearance of Mulder’s sister (or abduction, if you wanna call it that) and goes on an on while Mulder tries to prove the existence of extra-terrestrials. The standalone ones range from werewolves to time-traveling.

If you start watching The X-files now, you will probably notice that some of the earlier episodes seem a bit dated, mostly because of the special effects and the little green men and stuff. But get over yourself and watch it because, in my opinion, it’s one of the best TV shows ever made!

Then again, I’m a huge fan. I even have the “I want to believe” poster that Mulder has on the wall in his office on my wall in my room. I know, it’s cool!

See you soon, darlings,

Holly Golightly.

P.S.: I’d love to hear what you think about the X-Files so Comment, Comment, Comment!

 

Der Untergang ( 2004 ) The Downfall

der untergang the downfall

Bringen Sie mir Fegelein! FEGELEIN! FEGELEIN!

Der Untergang is one of the best historical films EVER. That’s all you really need to know. Now quit reading this and start watching it.

But seriously now I totally love it and you should too as it’s outstanding, not to mention the fact that this movie is behind one of the biggest internet memes out there : hitler rants.

Bruno Ganz plays Adolf Hitler during his last days in Berlin while the russian army is knocking on their door. The movie portrays Hitler so humanly, so objectively one might say that it brings him forward as a normal human being with hopes, dreams and especially fears. I’m neither his fan nor his biggest critic, but this movie puts things in a somewhat different light than what we’re used to.

Bruno does a magnificent role. He is truly remarkable and even though he doesn’t quite resemble Adolf neither in his looks nor in his voice ( one simply has to watch a few of Hitler’s speeches to realize that ) , he still comes across as the most genuine and believable Hitler ever. Perhaps that human dimension is what greatly contributes to this but Bruno does definitely have a huge role in making this movie what it is.

The movie’s story circles around Traudl Junge, Hitler’s last secretary, but it’s neither limited to her point of view nor focused on her persona too much. She is there as an independent observer and a  means of telling the story rather than a real contributing character. And I enjoy this quite a lot as the movie is long ( 2 hours) yet never lagging. The story is never rushed or held back, rather it flows slowly, in a painfully natural way, exactly the way it must have felt in reality.

Der Untergang doesn’t primarily deal with politics, or with war or even with history for that matter of fact, it deals a lot more, at least in my opinion, with human emotion and psychology. Steiner’s attack, the one that would presumably save Berlin and the Reich turns into a a futile wait for Godot, and slowly each character choses his path and his end.

To put an end to this, I repeat my opening statement: this is one of the best historical films out there, it’s one of the best World War 2 films out there and I truly believe it’s simply one of the best films out there.

And one more thing: WATCH IT IN GERMAN! English subtitles, but german audio. Doing any different would be an offense to both the Reich and the Fuhrer and will result in you being immediately punished!

Mr. Pink

Youth in Revolt (2009)

I don’t expect much from a movie with Michael Cera in it (although I did like Juno and I pretty much LOVED Scott Pilgrim; oh and I keep forgetting he was in Arrested Development). He pretty much plays the same person, I’m sorry. And it’s an annoying person. Pretentious indie teenager that’s essentially a good guy but he does bad stuff but he’s not that good with girls but eventually he does get the girl he wants.

You in Revolt had been recommended to be. Otherwise I wouldn’t have watched it. And I wouldn’t have missed much. It’s dry and not that funny. And as a former pretentious teenager it makes me angry when I see how they portrayed pretentious teenagers.

Some of the lines and the things were essentially funny which makes me wonder if the book is any good. And there are a bunch of wonderful actors in it like Ray Liotta and Steve Buscemi. And if Steve Buscemi isn’t funny then there’s something wrong with the directing, I’m sorry.

I’m now trying to find some good parts and not be a total bitch from my first review. But the movie just pissed me off like most “look at me, I’m so indie” type movies. End. Of. Story.

Ciao,

Holly.

RocknRolla (2008)

rocknrolla

If a slap don’t work, you cut ’em or you pay ’em, but you keep your receipts, cos this ain’t the Mafia

The only proper way to talk about this film is with a cockney accent but since I’m neither british nor in the mood, I’m just not gonna do it.

RocknRolla is yet another Guy Ritchie film that I love but that most people get confused by. The whole gig takes place in London ( you know: fish, chips, cup ‘o tea, bad food, worse weather, Mary fucking Poppins… LONDON ) and centers around Lenny a small time white collar crook with delusions of grandeur.

Anyway rambling about the plot is useless and boring plus I’m thinking you either saw that movie and you’re a post modernist robotic imitation of a human that can’t define his own emotions and relies on others to do that for him ..or you’re thinking of seeing this movie in both cases you don’t need me to go on.

So coming back to me, I loved this film. It’s fast paced yet not on steroids, it’s cool yet still mainstream, it’s got a pretty awesome cast and plot and it’s even funny at some points in that Richie style.  Makes me want to smoke, stab people with short pencils, backhand slap people and do shady business. Mission Fuckin Accomplished!

Oh and it’s the movie that made me fall in love with the Subways’ – Rock n roll queen. To finish this mediocre excuse for a review I’m telling you it’s a freaking awesome movie, I still wish there was a sequel out, and you should definitely get yourself a packet of smokes and enjoy this.

Mr. Pink